


No Mews Is Good Mews

by robokittens



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Kittens, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-06
Updated: 2012-08-06
Packaged: 2017-11-11 13:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/478984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robokittens/pseuds/robokittens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Giant kittens. Giant robots. They fight!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Mews Is Good Mews

**Author's Note:**

> HSO round 2: MONSTERS  
> team dirk<3roxy  
> generic no-game-everyone-lives-in-the-same-town-modern-day-mad-scientist au

  
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

TG: i have some good news + some bad mews  
TG: *news  
TG: *actually mews  
TT: Oh?  
TG: i really really rlly rlly love cats  
TT: Ah, "mews." It's a pun.  
TT: Is that the good mews or the bad mews?  
TG: both?  
TG: so yknow how im alllllll about ectobolologizing some kittens  
TT: Uh huh.  
TG: and know hwo sometimes they come out a lil...... not EGGSACTLY what i put in  
TT: Uh huh.  
TG: well this batch came out a lil  
TG: um  
TG: not  
TG: lil  
TG: like a lil really big actually  
TT: Exactly how big, Roxy?  
TG: in my defance  
TG: theyve only eaten ONE of teh neighbors  
TT: ...  
TT: Roxy.  
TG: she wuz a jerk anyway???  
TT: Roxy.  
TG: so i was wodering iffff by any chance u had a space deathbot  
TG: *spare  
TG: *space would be cool 2  
TG: liek that u could lend me for kittenhunting  
TT: I suppose this is as a good a time as any to tell you. I have some good/bad mews of my own.  
TG: isi t soft ad fuzzy?  
TT: I’m afraid it’s not anything that really justifies the ‘mews’ pun, no.  
TT: Have you seen my latest deathbot? I know I showed you some WIP pictures, but have you seen the finished product?  
TG: no!!!!!  
TT: Me neither.  
TG: omg  
TG: dirk  
TG: u figured out invidisibility????  
TG: omg that is GREAT news  
TG: *mews lol  
TG: *you should make a kittehbot  
TT: No.  
TT: It's, um.  
TT: I lost it. It's escaped.

=>

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

TG: dirkkkkk howsit going  
TT: Hello, meatsack.  
TG: oooh bb. i love it when u call me taht.  
TG: gets my fleshly bits all tinggly.  
TT: Gross. Save that for the physical avatar, please.  
TG: lol dont worry he gets all my fleshy bites  
TG: *bites  
TG: *BITS  
TG: *bites too >;3  
TT: There is a 56% chance you are overemphasizing the sexual nature of your relationship with the Dirk human in a misguided attempt to gross me out.  
TT: And, I regret to inform you, only a 2% chance you will succeed.  
TG: i liek thos odds ;)  
TT: Your ways and whims are mysterious to me, Lalonde.  
TG: im an enema  
TG: *OMFG  
TG: *ENIGMA LMAO  
TT: It seems your success rate just increased!  
TG: yesssss i am teh winnar  
TG: soooo  
TG: speaking of dirksypoo  
TG: (lol)  
TG: wered he get off to  
TG: liek is he off hunting deathbots or wat  
TT: Sort of?  
TT: He's hunting it from afar. Trying to remotely employ a self-destruct sequence that he hadn't actually finished installing before it escaped.  
TG: UUUUUUGH  
TG: how many times do i have to TELL him  
TG: slef destruct sequence FIRST  
TT: I know, right? What a n00b.

=>

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] \--

TT: http://www.reputablenewssource.net/news/6/12/tyger-tyger-man-eaters-escape-local  
TT: I don't suppose you know anything about that?  
TG: those must be some1 else's giant kittens  
TG: mine were never in a zoo  
TT: I thought you said you caught them.  
TG: i caugt ONE.  
TT: ... How many are there?  
TG: tehy cant be that hungry im just saying. the ppl are safe.  
TG: wait shit hang on  
TG: brb  
TT: That is not incredibly reassuring.  
TT: It's fine, I'll wait here.  
TT: Twiddling my fingers, as it were.  
TT: I'm just the tech guy. There's absolutely no way I could be of use in, say, setting a trap to catch giant kittens.

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is now an idle chum! --

TT: I'm just letting you know up front, if you've let yourself get eaten, I'm going to be very upset with you.  
TT: Downright testy, in fact.  
TT: Not that I don't believe in your ability to defend yourself against a little rampaging pussy.  
TT: Or a giant rampaging pussy as the case may be.

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is an idle chum! --

TT: Oh c'mon, Roxy. I left that wide open for you. Innuendo up the wazoo.  
TT: (Heh.)  
TT: Don't tell me you're going to leave me hanging.  
TT: If you don't come back, I'm going to suffer from an incredible case of textual blue balls.  
TT: Which, considering the shade of my text, would be a rather alarming experience.  
TT: It may never return to its original shade of vibrant orange.  
TT: (Mind, I am currently too lazy-slash-busy-trying-to-catch-a-runaway-robot to actually change away from said vibrant hue, but let's play pretend.)  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: I'm growing increasingly despondent.  
TT: Fuck.  
TT: Roxy?

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is an idle chum! --

TT: Roxy?

=>

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

TG: dirk dirk dirkdirkrdikrkridkokdkdkd  
TG: dirkkkkkkkkkk  
TG: drik you really should be online right now that would be super grate

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] is now an idle chum! --

TG: AUGH  
TG: FINE W/E  
TG: I WILL GO HUNT TEH DETHBOT MYSELF  
TG: DONT EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT

=>

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

TT: You don't need to worry about her, you know.  
TT: Oh god. Is this the part where you pretend that just because you have faster processing speeds, you’re the best-equipped to understand human emotions? Because I hate this part.  
TT: She's more than capable of taking care of herself, and you know it.  
TT: I do know it. I trust her implicitly. She's one of the most competent people I know. Why would you think I feel otherwise?  
TT: Because there's a 99% chance your heart rate will spike through the roof when I show you the video feed I just managed to reestablish.

=>

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

TG: omg tehve got it trapped  
TG: like its a lil toy

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] is now an idle chum! --

TG: this is teh  
TG: cutest  
TG: shit omfg  
TG: like theyre batting at it lololol  
TG: tell me youve got video o this  
TG: we can put it on yotube  
TG: k gonna go shoot it a lot  
TG: c u l8r ;D

  


=>  


\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

TG: HA  
TG: FUCKIN  
TG: HA  
TG: whos teh best protip it is me  
TG: roxy lalonde winnar of everything  
TG: (ur AR helped but he said i didnt have 2 give him credit if it wuld mean u get none)  
TT: That was fucking stupid, Roxy.  
TT: That deathbot had gone fucking rogue.  
TG: i can handle a little rouge srsly its like wat i was meant to do  
TT: Those kittens had claws the size of cars.  
TG: tehyre kittens dirk.  
TT: The size of CARS.  
TT: You're lucky to be alive.  
TG: what nooooo  
TG: dirk calm down tits fine  
TG: *its  
TG: *my tits r also fine tho  
TG: *fine as hellll wonk wonk ;D  
TT: You're trying to distract me, aren't you?  
TG: DIRK IM FINE  
TG: i beat teh robot  
TG: kittens are shrunked  
TG: and cute as heck btw do u want 1  
TT: I had to remote-install that infinitesimalator because the self-destruct code wasn't working, and I didn't have any way of fine-tuning it, much less improving the aim. And you were right there. I could have hit you.  
TT: I was not in the mood for Honey, I Shrunk The Roxy.  
TT: Or worse yet, what if it hadn't worked? What if it had still been a laser?  
TT: I could have dealt with slicing your monster-beasts in half, but what if I'd killed you?  
TT: Going at it with a gun?! That was fucking reckless.  
TT: You don't know what could have happened.  
TG: i think u mean  
TG: U dont know what could have hapened.  
TT: …  
TT: What?  
TG: dirk were u worried abt me  
TT: I know you can handle yourself.  
TT: But I …  
TT: Was concerned, yes.  
TT: I wasn't able to account for all the variables.  
TG: dirk  
TG: its ok  
TG: u dont need to worry abot me.  
TG: but  
TG: its sweet taht you did  
TG: <3  
TT: …  
TT: <3


End file.
